28

The memory of you is entangled deep within my DNA
And even though I no longer am able to feel your presence – your very existence burns blue – firery and dreamlike
For years I have searched for you in vain – under rocks and around every corner I have sought refuge from the emptiness I have been left with
I have found pieces of short orange hair, dust and pebbles, but not much more
Sometimes I still think I see you walking down the street – always faster than I seem to be able to go.
I used to try and catch up... but now I keep my pace, letting the mirage of you continue, unhindered or disturbed.
I know I will never again find you here – so have stopped looking

In the beginning, minutes without you used to pass like days, as time seemed to slow to a painfully unavoidable halt - where every moment burned like fire and cut like razor wire
But the curse of time is also kind, and as it passes, the void I am left with doesn't always seem so black
For years I have clung to this darkness – I've named it, and like a pet I've dragged it around – fed it and let it sleep in my bed
I kept it close, in hopes it would keep me closer to you
and I held my head high, as I chastised the ones who let themselves live in the darkness – proud of the fact that I merely kept mine as a pet – as if this was better, healthier and wise
But just like you, even the best of pets must die
and so I try to bury my darkness, instead of letting it define my existence

Out of the darkness I want to emerge radiant – embracing your memory and your short, but marvelous life - as you are implanted, embedded, engraved eternally in my soul
through thoughts, memories and laughter, you live on within me and all the lives you've touched
So I have let you go, so that I can live