Back in the sanctuary of my Polish apartment I try to let my past month absorb into my being... where was I? Did I really in fact leave? Outside my window nothing much seems to have changed. However, I feel different, something in me has changed (as it usually does after a new cultural immersion) - leading to new perspectives and metamorphosing views of the world. Being introduced to a tiny glimpse of the Middle East was like throwing vodka on a struggling flame - as it set my desire for travel ablaze. No, not for travel, but for experience - for knowledge of the other, all others - culture, art, music, religion. I yearn to understand what drives people, what they see upon waking each day, the similarities and differences from what I have come to recognize as a day in the life...
As I travel, as the years pass, I get closer and closer to grasping the immensity of the questions I set out to seek, that manifest themselves differently depending on the angles and reflections, the lighting of the season and the waxing and waning of steadfast moon - they perplex me, yet drive me. As time goes by, I find myself emotionally further and further from my homeland, detaching, loosing my citizenship as if loosing a religion. I did not choose this direction, but happened upon it naturally I suppose. Don't get me wrong, I love my homeland - I often find myself engrossed in nostalgic reflection as I lie awake at night, or on the banks of the river - longing for all that I have left behind - all I have given up and sacrificed for the life I have chosen to lead. The family, the security, the stability...
But then I open my eyes and look around me and am reminded... that I live a life of freedom - (despite of course for my loan debt :-) )... I have the freedom to choose my own path - and to reinvent it whenever I see fit. So do all of us, but so few of us utilize this freedom - we chain ourselves to assumptions of what and who we are suppose to be, we are told to live a certain way, buy the right things and make our way through life in a timely manner, one step after the other; school, rebellion, jobs, marriage, babies, work, work, eat, die... not that any of this is bad - if it's the choice you have consciously made, then I honor you, and perhaps possess a tinge of jealousy, but this is not the life I seek. No way is better, or worse - there are pluses and minus to all decisions in life - but at least I have nobody to blame for my mishaps... everything I do is on my own accord - nobody to point fingers at - I work when I want, where I want - if I want a change, I make it. I weigh the pros and cons, I jump or I sit back down to reflect, but they're my decisions, the choices are mine.
There are millions out there - expats, or experiencers of this planet - refusing to settle-in to one culture, one nationality, one fixed identity. We evolve, we flow with the current and we are becoming more and more prevalent as this shrinking, globalizing world allows for us to move about freely and societies inevitably grow closer together - even amongst stubborn ideologies that play tug of war like abused school children on a crowded playground. We are witnesses to the falsities of propaganda and the observes of hypocrisies so many are too blinded to see and the best of all - to all the insane beauty this world has to offer.
We are the creations of our observations, of the cultures we let inside us, the societies that accept or reject our otherness or sameness, our uniqueness's, our humanity. This life isn't always easy, but I can't think of any other one I would wish to lead...
I have forgotten the purpose of this post... like father, like daughter, I have let myself get swept away in thought - reflection, is that what this was all about? Anyway, I return revived, rejuvenated and with a greater sense of understanding of... well, above all, self. So for that I am eternally grateful, for all whom cross my path - teach me something new or make me laugh, all is delicately placed in memory, until it is forgotten...
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